Christmas Gifts?

A Washington state man faces felony marijuana trafficking charges after an officer found 3.3 pounds of marijuana wrapped up as Christmas gifts during a traffic stop in northern Idaho.  He was stopped because his vehicle was repeatedly changing lanes and following other drivers too closely. The officer said he smelled marijuana as he approached the vehicle. The deputy asked him what was in the presents and he stated some 'sweaters".

A drug-sniffing dog indicated the packages contained drugs and officers opened them. His 12- and 14-year-old sons, who were in the vehicle with him, were taken into custody on suspicion of frequenting, or being in the company of someone in possession of a controlled substance. The boys will not be charged.

The man has been released after posting a $20,000 bond. Records show he works at a hydroponics supply store in north Spokane, go figure.  :)

Pool Pump

 Since it's winter in most of the states, you will find many area pools empty because of the cold weather.  An indoor/outdoor pool would be a great asset but mostly not accessible.  More that one season of using a swimming pool can cause great wear and tear on the pool's equipment.  To keep your pump ready, an inspection of the  pool pump motors    readiness, is necessary.  You will need to replace any worn parts and it's possible to get the correct part at the above link.  Shop at your convenience when you have pool needs.
 

"Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error."

I Go Crazy......

How the fight started.........

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

5 Rules in Life.........

1. Money cannot buy happiness
   but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will
  remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems,
     ..... but then again, neither does milk

2AM?

A Police STOP at 2 AM 
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. 
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." 
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" 
The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Fifty Bucks!

Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year,

And every year Ed would say,

" Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

Norma always replied,

" I know Ed , but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said,

" Norma, I'm 75 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "

To this, Norma replied,

" Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "

Ed and Norma agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said,

" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

I'm impressed! "

Ed replied,
"Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Norma fell out,

But you know,

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

We The People..........

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional.  We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a BILL OF NO RIGHTS."

Pay Increase?

A pastor's wife was expecting a  baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.  After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this  started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary.

A  great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much  more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."

Silence fell over the congregation.  In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

The entire congregation said, "Amen.

Still Shopping

I notice that electronic items are becoming cheaper, with each new innovation.  The  acer laptops   seem to be a good quality brand of computers.  I have been holding back on buying a laptop, because of the extras that they list for each one.  When I shop, there are many listed which I have no brain knowledge about.  I suppose reading  the information booklets would help.  I still need a good knowledge of these extras and how to use them.

What?

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'

Artie said: ' I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'

Frank commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'

Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'

Thank You.....

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young man, we're both 90 years old, ' the husband said. 'We may not have 45 minutes.' They were seated immediately.

Oh Yeah........

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?  

WHAT DO YOU CALL THE HAT THAT BLOSSOM WEARS

Guest post of the week by Deangelo Spencer
I noticed on the channel guide that the SOAP Network was going to start showing a show that I had completely forgotten about until my memory was jogged. The show that hadn’t crossed my mind in fifteen or twenty years was “Blossom”. If you don’t remember the show, think about the teenage girl in the 1990’s that made the denim hat ( I can’t even describe the shape) with a flower popular. The only way that I know how to describe the hat is by calling it the “Blossom” hat. She had a cute brother, Joey, who later had his own show. I also think that he was in a show before “Blossom”, but I am having a really hard time placing him right now. I don’t remember much about the show except that I liked it and that it came on TGIF. I feel like I was at home every Friday watching television on Friday. I guess that teenagers stayed at home a lot more in the nineties than they do now. Getting my kids to stay at home and watch television on Fridays would be like pulling teeth!

Blonde?

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. 

One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. 

 

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, 

working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger,

'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have 

your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team.  

But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.

Coupons

Have you heard about the deals you can get when you use these coupons.  They say  aeropostale coupons and Aeropostale coupon codes can be redeemed at Aeropostale.com at the time of purchase. Use these Aeropostale coupons and Aeropostale coupon codes to get discounts on the already low prices offered on the Aeropostale website.

Ethel?

       Last week, she checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a  very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo.  He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum....
        
       She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know.  I'll give him a call.
       "Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you? . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
       Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage.  I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now.  Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.  We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I' m ready!!  Now how does that sound?"
       He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Flooring

I'm looking to replace the flooring in my bathroom and kitchen as soon as I can find the right materials for a good price.  I have looked at the local home improvement stores and shopped online.  I see there is an online store that is called alloc original  and it offers laminate flooring.  These floors are very nice looking and easy to clean.  I may get more information when I finally decide.

Free Sex with Fill Up

A gas  station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up  a sign that read,"Free Sex with Fill-Up." 

Soon a local redneck, Billy Ray,  pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number  from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck  guessed 8, and the proprietor said,"You were close! The number was 7. Sorry.  No sex this time."

A week later, Billy Ray, along with  his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his  free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the  same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Billy Ray guessed 2  this time The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but NO free  sex this time."

As they were driving away, Billy Ray  said to his brother, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really  give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy  Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."

Watches

 The labor markets have a special need for sturdy and reliable  stainless steel watches   to withstand the rough wear and tear.  Working in warehouses and out in the field can be hard work and cause an expensive watch to be ruined.  You need to have a good watch that can handle the roughness you are involved in doing.  Give the above link a click and see if you can find one to buy.

Killing Flies

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter ... "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh! Killed any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Christmas Already?

I know it's getting hard to accept the fact that we are heading toward the most expensive time of the year.  I have gotten to the point of dreading this time of year and this takes away from the actual theme.  I try to stay with  stocking stuffer ideas   in hopes of giving and still saving money with these items.  I can admit that saving money has become the structure behind my gift giving.  It's necessary to shop better with the way the economy has become.

Old Lady

In church on Sunday,
I overheard this little old lady
in the pew next to me
saying a short private prayer.
It was so sweet and sincere
that I just had to share it with you:


Dear Lord,
These past couple of years
have been tough....
You have taken my
      favorite Actor Patrick Swayze,
my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor,
my favorite Cowboy James Arness,
my favorite athlete Bob Feller,
my favorite singer Lena Horne and
my favorite salesman Billy Mays.

I just wanted you to know that my
favorite president is Barack Obama.

Amen.

Detox

 I'm sure you know that things are never changed until the person, really wants to change.  The fact that they go to  alcohol detox  only suggest that they realize there is a problem.  Making this treatment work, is the endurance that comes from the actual person's desire to have a different life.  Until they actually try or have the desire, then nothing will work and treatment it too costly to waste on people who are just playing around.

Thomas Jefferson

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."
"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." –- Thomas Jefferson

So True......

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." --Thomas Jefferson

 

God Loves Drunks......Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. 

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.


"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"


He slams the door and returns to bed.


"Who was that?" asked his wife..

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.


 "No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!"


"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? 


I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!

God loves drunk people too ,  you know.


The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.


He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"


"Yes," comes back the answer.


 "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.


"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..

Old Is.......

 When.....
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy  

and your pacemaker opens the garage door.


When.....
Going braless  

pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

 When.....
You don't care where your spouse goes,  

just as long as you don't have to go along.

When.....
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

A Sad Day For America

1. 
   
   
   

TracFones

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of TracFone for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.
I found that the only way to control my cell phone expenses was to go the "pre-pay" way.  When looking at my recent cell phone bill, I began to  see the Light  about exactly how much I was spending on those service plans.  It didn't take me long to realize that I needed a TracFone   plan I could control and have things limited to my needs.  My finances are considered "fixed income", so therefore I must have control over my spending.
For  Real TracFone customers  there are no contracts, no credit checks, no activation charges or cancellation fees. plus great nationwide coverage and excellent reception/connectivity.  There are several different brands and style of phones to choose from with  So many features  extra.  As  Real TracFone customers   you can stay in touch with your kids and other family members during the hot days of summer.

I found that through the actual airtime I needed, I could be a person totally in control. All I need to do is is buy one of their phones, then activate it.  I know that I can have the convenience of buying airtime when I need it. suggest that you consider looking into this service, if you are looking to have something you can control.

Classmate?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN  GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING,  SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.

MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW

DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED                        TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I                          QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

 

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

'YES. YES, I DID.. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

 

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.

 

HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

 

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSLY    

THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD,

BALD, WRINKLED FACED,       

FAT-ASSED,

GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT

SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED,

'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?????                    

Never Forget !

Are You Fat?

 We all tell ourselves that we're just a little over weight.  We actually know that we are at the point of no return, without help.  Those body builders make us look sick with the way they are so buff.  It took a lot of work and effort to get those bodies in that condition.  They also used good quality  fat burners   to help keep the lean meat from being lost.  It takes a good training period and plenty of workouts to do the trick no matter what you use to help the process.

Job ?

A guy goes to the post office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM.

   You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Sports Awards

We all know how  great a little one feels when they get their first award.  It makes them feel like they have accomplished the best thing ever.  Even in offices a trophy can make an employee feel appreciated.  The football, basketball and base ball player's are just part of the vast sports world which awards  sport trophies   to their players.  Finding quality products are always a must, so click on the above link to shop for your trophies.

Indians don't use saddles......

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off. "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

Cigars

Just think of sitting back in your comfortable easy chair with a good  alec bradley  cigar, and having a relaxing evening at home.  I'm sure many of you have this idea in mind during a stressful day at work.  It's nice to think of relaxing at home.  Enhance the enjoyment of your pleasure with that smoke to make the day end well.  I know that you can find good quality for the price when you invest in this brand.

Cute

Phones

Now a household word and  item the cell phone has become a thing of necessity which has risen to popularity in the last 15 years.  I'm sure you can find several unused phones lying around homes with young people living there.  The many different rates and plans have cause this accumulation of unused phones.  Looking for the real thing, many have turned to the  incredible s virgin   group to get maximum satisfaction. I suggest looking into this phone brand to get the service you are desiring.

"Warshing" Clothes Recipe.........

Never thought of a "washer" in this light before..what a blessing!

"Warshing Clothes Recipe" -- imagine having a recipe for this ! ! !

Years ago an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe:

this is an exact copy as written and found in an old scrapbook -
with spelling errors and all.


WARSHING CLOTHES


Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water. Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert. Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water. Sort things, make 3 piles 1 pile white, 1 pile colored, 1 pile work britches and rags. To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with boiling water. Take white things, rub dirty spots on board,
scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored don't boil just wrench and starch. Take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch. Hang old rags on fence. Spread tea towels on grass. Pore wrench water in flower bed. Scrub porch with hot soapy water. Turn tubs upside down. Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs.. Brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings. 

Paste this over your washer and dryer Next time when you think things are bleak, read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks.. First thing each morning you should run and hug your washer and dryer, also your toilet---those two-holers used to get mighty cold! For you non-southerners - wrench means, rinse ;) AND WE THINK WE HAVE IT ROUGH!

Nag Nag

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.  His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about,--- 'What time of night to be getting home is this?  Where have you been?  Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'.  And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang.  The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.  Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed,

'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

Phone Plans

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Straight Talk for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.
I began to see the light about exactly how much I was spending on those cell phone service plans.  It didn't take me long to realize that I needed a plan I could control and have things limited to my needs.  My finances are considered "fixed income", so therefore I must have control over my spending.  I found that the only way to control my cell phone expenses was to go the "pre-pay" way.   This company offers plans that have caught my attentions with  everything you need    and I'm ready to take the bait.
Shopping for great deals meant that I had to spend time online doing constructive research.   I found Straight Talk and took the time to look at all the options offered.  As you know  your  mom knows best
  and when my teenager wants to  call a friend
I'm thankful that I choose a great plan which allows so much more.   I needed a company where there is  everything you need  and no contracts, no surprise bills and no credit checks.  I wanted to get great nationwide coverage and excellent reception and connectivity.

Straight Talk only uses trusted phone manufacturers like LG, Motorola, Kyocera, Nokia and Samsung.  Reconditioned phones are available from $10.00 with camera, mp3 player, mobile web access, and blue-tooth capability.  Straight Talk can give you everything you need without a contract.  Their International Long Distance Service is a flexible prepaid calling service that enables you to make international calls from your home, cell or office phone at low rates.  Just look at the money you will be saving with one of these plans.  There are many ideas you could whip up, to use that extra money.

Try TracFone

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of TracFone for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

I found that the only way to control my cell phone expenses was to go the "pre-pay" way.  When looking at my recent cell phone bill, I began to  see the Light  about exactly how much I was spending on those service plans.  It didn't take me long to realize that I needed a TracFone   plan I could control and have things limited to my needs.  My finances are considered "fixed income", so therefore I must have control over my spending.  
For real TracFone customers  there are no contracts, no credit checks, no activation charges or cancellation fees. plus great nationwide coverage and excellent reception/connectivity.  There are several different brands and style of phones to choose from with  so many features extra.  As  real TracFone customers   you can stay in touch with your kids and other family members during the hot days of summer.

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I found that through the actual airtime I needed, I could be a person totally in control. All I need to do is is buy one of their phones, then activate it.  I know that I can have the convenience of buying airtime when I need it. suggest that you consider looking into this service, if you are looking to have something you can control.

Your Diet

 I know how nice it feels to look great in your clothes.  The clothes you weren't able to wear for a long time, because of weight gain.  You find the right diet and suddenly you look in the mirror at a different person.  It takes time to research for the right  diet pills   to go with your body's health needs.  Some are too strong and your body can't adapt to the stress.  Get assistance through your medical doctor or weight loss consultants. 

Viagra.........Oh Yeah!

I'm sure this is a cute video, hopefully it doesn't cause a problem..........

Walk On Water?

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family  tradition.  It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th
birthday.  

 On that special day , they'd each walked across the lake to
the pub  on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's 18th birthday came 'round , he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake.  Paddy stepped out of  the boat ....and nearly drowned!  Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma'' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk  'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's troubled  brown eyes and said , "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is
frozen, and you were born in August, ya dip  shit."

Ha Ha

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You're obviously not listening.”

My Dad

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:

"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"           
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not
choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....

"Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot.  I was just wondering if you might be my kid."

Texas

Have you ever been to the “Lone Star State”. It is really something to see. We have just about anything you would want to see, visit or indulge in. Texas, is a great wonderful state, with so many things to offer.

I’ve lived in other states, but always came back home. It just doesn’t feel like home, anywhere else. I’m biased, that’s true, but until you come and feast on the pleasure’s of Texas, you haven’t lived.

I’m a TEXAN, “a native pecan”, and darn proud of it!

“Made in Texas, by Texans, for Texans”

Your Health

HEALTH MESSAGE:

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be
immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ...yet lives for 450 years.

AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!

How High?

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack Obama meets a man with a beard.  'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.  'No my son, I am St.  Peter; Mohammed is higher up.'  Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

 

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man.  He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'  'Why no,' he answers, ‘I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still.'

 

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers a larger room where he meets  an angelic looking man with a beard.  Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'    'No, I am Jesus, the Christ; you will find Mohammed higher up.'

 

Mohammed higher than Jesus!  Man, oh man!  Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher.  Once again, he reaches an even larger  room where he meets this truly magnificent looking man with a silver white  beard and once again repeats his question:  'Are you Mohammed?' he  gasps as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.   'No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, but you look exhausted.  Would you like a cup of coffee?'

 

Obama says, ‘yes please!'  As God looks behind him, he claps his hands and yells out:  'Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!'

 

Keep your trust in God; your president will be replaced.

Online Store

 How often have you gone online to shop these days?  I'm sure you would answer me, quite often.  This is true when you  buy htc incredible s   sales from this online store.  I have visited this store, and noticed all the different items, listed for sale.  The electronics offered are of great quality at a good price.  I would consider shopping for most of my electronic items at this online store because of the wide variety in stock. 

Protect Your Children

There's always a chance your small child can get to an electric cord.  I've even seen my animals that were young trying to chew on them.  That's scary when you think about the problems that can come from this.  You can find a way to keep this from happening by getting cord covers  to keep these dangers out of sight.  The above link offers information about these covers and how to effectively use them.  Click on the above link and read the information.

My Article

Hi Nita Watson,

Your content has been published on Associated Content from Yahoo!.

Old Trees

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8184475/old_trees.html

Enjoy the article I wrote back in June.......

Loans

There's always a need for extra cash, when your paying bills.  Seems as though there's never enough at the end of the month to get you by.  I have to consider looking for some financial assistance.  There are convenient ways to get this help.  Going online, you can search for that help and you might consider clicking on the link in this post.  The  checkcity.com payday loans   are set up to help you with your application and receipt of needed cash.  Go to their website and apply for assistance with your next financial pinch.

Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the
barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you,
I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there
was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for
him at his door.


Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you ,
I'm doing community  service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card
and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.


Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'  The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

An Invitation

 While browsing the internet for other items, I ran across a website that offers  party invitations  that you can customize right on the website.  They even have placement cards for a formal dinner party, reception, or family get together.  There's really not much difference in the price's that I've seen but, you can get discounts on your orders.  That's a big plus in today's economic pinch.  If your having a party for several people, then this is the place to get more for your money.

NET10

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Net10 for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.
I found that the only way to control my cell phone expenses was to go the "pre-pay" way.  When looking at my recent cell phone bill, I began to  see the Light  about exactly how much I was spending on those service plans.  It didn't take me long to realize that I needed a plan I could control and have things limited to my needs.  My finances are considered "fixed income", so therefore I must have control over my spending.  I found that through the actual airtime I needed, I could be a person totally in control.

 
I know that I can have the convenience of buying airtime when I need it and if I'm a real NET10 customer then I can get the auto fill that this company offers.
All I need to do is is buy one of their phones, then activate it.  On the screen it will tell me when my minutes will expire and that will help me keep up with my account.  I suggest that you consider looking into this service, if you are looking to have something you can control.

Cell Phone Accessories

The cell phone's that you get new in the box are usually equipped with many accessories.  I know that many will by used phones that don't have the extras you want to utilize your service.  You can get  Cell phone accessories  at this online store and find great quality as well as savings for your money.  Should you need certain extras I suggest shopping for them where you can get the best deals and service.  It doesn't take long to get your units once you purchase has been approved.

Aisle Seat

Two terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
 
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a coke.'
'Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'
 
As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one t oo.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
 
As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors,  'Why does it have to be this way?'
 
'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity?  This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?'

 
THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES.