Things I Don't Like.........

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time..... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?


2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.



3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?




4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!




5. When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.




6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'..... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?




7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.




8. When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?




9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?

Comparing Religions

A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette . They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment... They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.'

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said, 'Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.'

The Gynecologist

A gynecologist had become so fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. This equaled an A.”

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

Girls Night Out.......

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives; however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee; so they stopped in the cemetery.

Neither had anything to wipe with so one of them thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they continued on home.

The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed, hung over; so he phoned the other husband and said: 'These girl nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. .. my wife came home with no panties!'

'That's nothing,' said the other husband.
'Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....

'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.''

Area Rugs

If this flooding up in North Dakota, takes it's toll on people's homes, there will be many area rugs
needed to replace the stuff that will be ruined. I'm sure they will need to replace other items, and hopefully they will be spared. If they need to get good rugs at great prices' I'm sure they will be able to find them at this website. This is one of the best stores to buy area rugs and find great deals.

Dirty or Not..........

Volunteers fill sandbags during a sandbagging operation at the Fargo Dome in Fargo, North Dakota. Hundreds of volunteers built temporary dikes out of sandbags and clay amid a light drizzle of rain Tuesday as the flat prairie state of North Dakota braced for record spring flooding.

This lady fills sandbags to be used to protect home in the hope of holding back floodwaters of the Red River. I thought I had problems.........

Fargo Bracing For Flood Waters........

Todd Thompson pulls a boat through flood water from the Red River to load sandbags for a friend's home in Fargo, North Dakota, March 26, 2009.

These people pull a boat loaded with sandbags into the driveway of a friend's home surrounded by flood waters from the Red River in Fargo, North Dakota.

This aerial photo provided by the U.S. Coast Guard and made from a Coast Guard rescue helicopter shows a small boat, center, used by the Coast Guard to transport six people and two dogs to a platform after the Red River flooded the Fargo area. The Coast Guard later hoisted the flood victims via helicopter to safety.

To US Citizens..............

This is a subject close to my heart:
Do you know that we have adult students at the school where I teach who are not US citizens and who get the PELL grant, which is a federal grant (no pay back required) plus other federal grants to go to school ?
One student from the Dominican Republic told me that she didn't want me to find a job for her after she finished my program, because she was getting housing from our housing department and she was getting a PELL grant which paid for her total tuition and books, plus money leftover. She was looking into WAIT which gives students a CREDIT CARD for gas to come to school, and into CARIBE which is a special program (check it out - I did) for immigrants and it pays for child care and all sorts of needs while they go to school or training.
The one student I just mentioned told me she was not going to be a US Citizen because she plans to return to the Dominican Republic someday and that she 'loves HER country.' I asked her if she felt guilty taking what the US is giving her and then not even bothering to become a citizen and she told me that it doesn't bother her, because that is what the money is there for! I asked the CARIBE administration about their program and if you ARE a US Citizen, you don't qualify for their program.
And all the while, I am working a full day, my son-in-law works more than 60 hours a week, and everyone in my family works and pays for our education Something is wrong here. I am sorry but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough. Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close. Sorry if this offends anyone but this is
"MY COUNTRY."
IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP -- I am not against immigration -- just come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules
AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past -- and GOD BLESS AMERICA!
PART OF THE PROBLEM?
Think about this: If it offends someone then-- YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is Time for America to speak up, it is people like this that make it harder for some one like me and you to get ahead)

Laptop Memory

I have been shopping for a laptop, that is not so expensive. Lately, I've even looked at used or refurbished laptops, solely for the purpose of getting a good one cheaper. I've noticed that there are many on the markets, but they fall short on laptop memory compared to a desk top. I suppose that one would have to update the memory or buy more, should they find that their laptop didn't measure up to needs. Now, if I can save up enough money, I will be able to obtain at laptop.

New Recruits..........

Newly graduate members of the Afghan community force stand in attention in Mehtar Lam, capital of the eastern Laghman province March 26, 2009. The first recruits graduated on Thursday to a new Afghan community force, the U.S. military hopes will boost local security against Taliban insurgents and do for Afghanistan what Sunni tribal militants did for Iraq.

British soldiers patrol past a poppy field in Musa Qala in Helmand provinc. Looks like one is ready to harvest........... :) oops!

Life Insurance Quotes

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Obama Sending Troups.........

US Army soliders from 1-506 Infantry Division set out on a patrol in Paktika province, situated along the Afghan-Pakistan border. President Barack Obama is planning to send an additional 4,000 US troops to Afghanistan to help train security forces there, officials said.
So, will he handle this thing any better than Bush did? It remains to be seen.........and only time will tell.

US Army soldiers from 2-506 Infantry 101st Airborne Division patrol past a mountain village in the rugged Spira mountains in Khost province, along the Afghan-Pakistan border. Barack Obama on Friday will unveil a new US strategy for the war in Afghanistan designed to turn the tide against a growing insurgency.

Lingerie

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Robin Has Surgery........

Robin Williams, was recovering at the Cleveland Clinic after heart surgery that his doctors deemed successful. The operation was to replace an aortic valve, he is expected to make a complete recovery in the next eight weeks. He will have normal heart function in the coming weeks with no limitations on what he'll be able to do.

dNeero