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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Bob.....

The guys were all at a deer camp.  No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly...  They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
                               
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?  He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
                               
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!  He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
                               
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.  They said, "Man, what happened?"
                                 
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.  Bob sat up and watched me all night."

Blu Ray

I can remember about 3 years ago, when this type of unit was just coming out.  Is was funny how things appeared on the market for the "Blu Ray" system and you could only play those electronic games or movies on it.  From my understanding, this is a more expensive electronic player than some of the others.  For good quality I suppose you pay good prices.  Look into getting good  blu ray movies  online for a cheaper more reliable source. You can find it at several online stores by shopping around.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Oh Yeah...Go Bubba

Bubba is driving down a back road in Alabama ..  
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR  SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
"Lord a'mighty," he says to himself, "Thems my three favorites!"
 
 

Sunday, September 26, 2010

WTF

Story photo: Lindsay Lohan spends less than a day in LA jail
Lohan was released at about 11:40 p.m. after posting $300,000 bail, Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department spokesman Steve Whitmore said early Saturday.  Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Elden Fox had ordered Lohan held without bail during a brief hearing Friday morning, But his ruling later was overturned after the "Mean Girls" star's attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, filed a late-afternoon appeal seeking bail.  The actress is not entirely free. She will be required to wear an ankle alcohol monitor and stay away from establishments that primarily sell alcohol.  Friday marked the third time Lohan has been sent to jail in a three-year-old drug and drunken driving case. She spent 84 minutes at the jail in 2007 and 14 days of a three-month sentence earlier this summer.
That don't impress me much! Hell, if it had been me they would have thrown the books at me with no bail, and I'd be stuck in that place for 5 years or more.  I don't like people who throw their money around just because they can.  If you do the crime, then you need to do the time, and I feel that they think their money can work wonders for them, even when the chips are down.  So, far she is getting by with the "Hollywood" treatment, and I'm just waiting for her to really pull a good one.  If they get away with crime once, then they go back and do it again, thinking that their lawyer and their money can keep them out.  To, hell with out.....how's she going to get her money and her lawyer to keep her out of the grave?

Gold

Down through the years the best way I’ve found to have assets available, was to buy expensive jewelry or invest in  bullion  which can come in several different precious metals.  If you deal in silver and gold then you should have a good supply on hand when dealing with these metals.  Many dealers have found that they can buy gold coins  and ingots which have been a good sources of metal to stockpile during times of recession.
 I checked out a site that has been in business for quite awhile now. They deal in precious metals and have a good supply of rare coins, ingots, and bullion on hand.  Shopping at the United States Gold Bureau you can purchase silver, gold or other precious metals and coins for immediate personal delivery or arrange for convenient and safe storage at an independent bank or depository.

Over Qualified?

If your over 50 years of age, here comes the problem, right? You go to an interview, and what happens? You know all too well, what happened, when you get a letter saying, you were “over qualified”, for the position. I’ve been there done that.

Oh they say, they are an equal opportunity employer. Not so, if your not young and just starting out then they don’t want you. They want the dashing young men in the offices. The cute sexy, tailered young ladies, have to be on the front desks, to cater to the executives. Administrative assistant, consists of a well dressed, college professors, with 1 to 2 masters degrees in business administration, under the age of 40.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Buying Gold Coins

United States Gold Bureau is home to a large and dedicated staff of hard asset professionals committed to serving your precious metals investment needs and being America’s best dealer with a convenient market and competitive precious metals prices.  There may never be a better time for buying gold bullion than right now. World demand for gold now exceeds annual production, and has every year since 1990. Above ground stockpiles of gold bullion are low, shrinking rapidly and approaching zero.  I checked out a site that has been in business for quite awhile now. They deal in precious metals and have a good supply of rare gold coin s on hand. 
As an investment product, you can buy gold coins that have a currency value.  Buying gold has been recognized for centuries as one of the best ways to preserve one’s wealth and purchasing power. Gold bullion is a unique investment. From the time of ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Romans to more modern times, man has had an affinity for gold bullion.  Ingots are generally pure bullion cast in a convenient size and shape.
Above ground stockpiles of silver and gold bullion are low, shrinking rapidly and approaching zero.

Amen........

'Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world.  Our soldiers don't have that problem.'

When I hear that a prisoner - who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and 'fed special food' that is paid for by my taxes - is complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts:
I don't care. 

Monday, September 20, 2010

Loose Weight

Have you ever been around someone who was obese?  I have worked with people who are really large, and it's very sad to watch them make efforts just to sit down or get up and walk.  I know that these people need some of the  best weight loss supplements  if they ever get on a diet, and stay with it.  Their body will loose so much of it's vital nutrients, while the weight comes off.  I know that a doctor will need to monitor their progress, to make sure they are still healthy.

3 Bears????

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning....


Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my
 porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.


Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.


'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.


'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....




'I HAVEN'T MADE THE FRICKIN' PORRIDGE YET.'

Apidexin

The health food stores give quite an array of different products and foods you can use when dieting.  It's a matter of having a doctor prescribe the stronger products, instead of getting over the counter stuff.  Today, you can also go online to purchase certain dieting products.  I think there are a few on the market that you can find in stores.  You can find  apidexin in stores  but I think it might be limited.  Go to the link and click on it to get more information.

The Sister

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Convent of Silence.
 
The Priest said, 'Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so. '

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, 'Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.'

Sister Mary Katherine said, 'Hard bed.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' the Priest said, 'We will get you a better bed.'

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest. 'You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.'

'Cold food,' said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. 'You may say two words today.'

'I quit,' said Sister Mary Katherine.

'It's probably best,' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but complain since you got here.'

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Vitamins

Loosing weight can be hard on a person's body, and cause it to loose valuable nutrients. These are vital to support the body while weight is being lost.  You sometimes need to take weight loss supplements  to keep your body healthy and fit. A health food nutritionists can help you make the decision about what supplement to use when you are dieting.  You can also go online and read the multivitamin reviews  on certain products before you buy.

Oh Yeah......

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.
 
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'
 
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....

 
 
' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?' 

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Stomach Fat

This article is about  how to lose stomach fat fast and I know there will be plenty of us checking further into this information. My stomach has had the abuse of carrying 5 babies for 9 months each, and now it's telling me it was glad I quit.  I was glad to quit, cause my stomach was getting more and more flabby with time.  I really would like to find the solution to getting rid of this extra tire around my waist.

It's Was Bad..........

It was a tough year, but I made it !!!


But not everyone is as lucky as I am......


The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked,  "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked  "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4  'ouncer'.

Parents in  Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal.  Oh Great!!   The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...
 
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan .   When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Red Envelope

This is the first time I've ever heard of this website.  I looked at it and found it to be a good place to get coupons for many items.  There is a catalog you can request, but shopping online seems to give better customer service with the red envelope coupons  they offer.  I noticed that they offer free shipping on orders for $70 or more, which can give you an advantage when buying more than one item.

Two Points......

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of$72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,
'which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed, ''Where are your testicles?''
The old Chief calmly replied, ''   Vietnam ''.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Why Not?

I propose that a gay nightclub be opened next door to the mosque at ground zero to promote tolerance in the mosque. We could call it "The Turban Cowboy" or "You Mecca Me Hot". Then on the other side could be a butcher shop that specializes in pork and a must across the street; a very daring lingerie store called " Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret".