Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN In THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP
THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO
THE WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITTING HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH
HIS RIGHT HAND
MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU'VE
BEEN IN HERE FOR
"I'M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN'T
GONE 'DOODY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY
HERE A FEW MORE
MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE
"WORKS FOR KETCHUP."
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I'm not sure how many times in my life that I sang this song or hummed it. I'm sure that during my child rearing years, I sang it to all of my children, when they were small. If you think about it, this song has been around, for many years. It sounds like "Gene Autry" singing it, but I also enjoyed the pictures, from back in the 50's and 60's........how about you? Have a "HAPPY EASTER" and a safe one.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'..... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
- A Marquette . They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop., a Baptist preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of in
- One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment... They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
- Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
- Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
- Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.'
- The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
- The Rabbi looked up and said, 'Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.'
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. This equaled an A.”
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."