Thursday, March 27, 2014

Black Bra?

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend :
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(you are going to love this…..)

"What's for dinner, Zorro?"


This is the best analogy yet
Leave it to Maxine to come up with solution For the mess that America is now in economically.
I bought a bird feeder. I hung It on
my back porch and filled
It with seed. What a beauty of
A bird feeder it was, as I filled it ,
Lovingly with seed. Within a week we
had hundreds of birds
Taking advantage of the
Continuous flow of free and
Easily accessible food.

But then the birds started
Building nests in the boards
Of the patio, above the table,
And next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was
Everywhere: on the patio tile,
The chairs, the table ..

Then some of the birds
Turned mean. They would
Dive bomb me and try to
Peck me even though I had
Fed them out of my own

And other birds were
Boisterous and loud. They
Sat on the feeder and
Squawked and screamed at
All hours of the day and night
And demanded that I fill it
When it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even
Sit on my own back porch
Anymore. So I took down the
Bird feeder and in three days
The birds were gone. I cleaned
Up their mess and took down
The many nests they had built
All over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like
It used to be ..... Quiet, serene....
And no one demanding their
Rights to a free meal.

Now let's see.
Our government gives out
Free food, subsidized housing,
Free medical care and free
Education, and allows anyone
Born here to be an automatic

Then the illegal's came by the
Tens of thousands. Suddenly
Our taxes went up to pay for
Free services; small apartments
Are housing 5 families; you
Have to wait 6 hours to be seen
By an emergency room doctor;
Your child's second grade class is
Behind other schools because
Over half the class doesn't speak

Corn Flakes now come in a
Bilingual box; I have to
'press one ' to hear my bank
Talk to me in English, and
People waving flags other
Than 'Old Glory' are
Squawking and screaming
In the streets, demanding
More rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe
it's time for the government
To take down the bird feeder.

If you agree, pass it on; if not,
Just continue cleaning up the poop.


Redneck Family

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two
shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'Paw, what's at?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,

'Boy..................go git cha Momma...............'

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Bristol in Vegas

The start of a rain delayed race, that happened more than once.  This race had several pile ups causing many driver's to loose their place in the race.  The winner was once again, Carl Edwards.  Congrats to a great driver.

Opening Race

This is a country music singer singing the "national anthem" at the race in Las Vegas, NV last Sunday.  Why do they always have to put their own little version in it?

End Of Time?

Is it happening?

Crazy Cat

While sitting out in the yard swing, I noticed how silly my cat was acting.  She thinks that being up there will keep her safe.  There's been plenty of chances to attack and she's always ready.  I haven't been able to catch a video of her, in the middle of a cat fight.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Domestic Relationships

Why, do women go back to abusive situations? It's a matter of many things which go on in the woman's mind. She doesn't want to be alone, first of all. She doesn't want to admit that she couldn't be the one to make him happy. She hopes that in some small way she can get through to him and get him to see how good she really is. That he will see this and be ashamed of himself for doing her the way he's doing. She hopes that he will never do it again. Fear of being rejected is one of the hardest things for a woman to accept. She wants to be loved and needed, plus accepted for the person she is. Not only on the outside but on the inside, as a whole person. She doesn't understand that he is just as complicated as she is. It may be that he is very sick emotionally, mentally and physically. She may be trying to be the "mother" figure, in order to complete his needs. It's just too much for her to absorb and work through during these times of adjustment. It has been said that the one who accepts the abuse, is just as sick emotionally as the one giving the abuse. SNAP! Get the message? Get away.........get some help.......stay away......move forward!

My Body/Car?

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ..
But that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

She Prays

In church on Sunday,
I overheard this little old lady
in the pew next to
saying a short private prayer.
It was so sweet and sincere
that I
just had to share it with you:

Dear Lord,
These past few years
have been tough....
You have taken my

Actor Patrick Swayze,
my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor,
my favorite
Cowboy James Arness,
my favorite athlete Bob Feller,
my favorite singer
Lena Horne and
my favorite salesman Billy Mays.
I just wanted you to know that my
favorite president is Barack Obama.

Thursday, March 6, 2014


March 31, 2014 is the deadline to sign up for health insurance and if you live in NC, then I'm sure you would want to find the best broker available.  You can contact  burlington car insurance here   at this link, and see what they offer.  They can get you set up and ready for the up coming health care needs that we are facing.  You can also find great prices for car insurance as well.

Spring Forward!

Here it comes again, that all dreaded time of year when we change our clocks to correct the time change.  As you know this has been in effect for several years, and we are subject to it's events as they happen.  So, come this Saturday at 12am, you will be on Daylight Savings Time, here in Texas that will be CDST.  I don't like it but then I'm just one small pebble on the beach.  Ha!