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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

RV Break Down........

 Traveling around this country is a pleasure we all would love to do.  Some are not blessed with the finances, to afford a motor home or RV in which to travel.  There are people who choose to rent or own a used RV and with this comes break down's and repairs.  You also have to find rv towing  to get your vehicle to a good repair shop.  RV repair shops are hard to find, and it's good that the towing company will have that information.  Mostly they will be able to take it to a local dealer.

Gripe and Groan.............

Hey, I like this blog.........it has all the nice colors for the font's and I can write any way I want too. I'm limited on my other blogs, and it's a pain to have the same font day after day. To me that has no way of showing your expressions, on a daily basis. This free blog, gives that and more. I'm sure the time will come when I convert over to this blog totally.
Update:
I'm still enjoying this blog........even though there aren't many who like it's contents......I can still rant and rave.........

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry christmas Pictures, Images and Photos

I Believe This.........

Mayumi Heene, center, and her attorney Lee Christian, right ...
Mayumi Heene, center, and her attorney Lee Christian, right appear in court for sentencing on Wednesday, Dec. 23, 2009, in Fort Collins, Colo., in connection with the 'Balloon Boy' hoax. Richard Heene is pictured at left after he was sentenced.
I'm not sure what they expected to come of all this, but surly they must have known that involving, news media, public servants and the other services was not going to be tolerated.  This is what the some of what couple who crashed the White House dinner, should get ........as well........

Just Imagine........



There are many whose picture's I could put on here.........but these are some of the idiots.......

Local Yokels........



These are some of the local's at the bar I go to...........

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Well Now.........

A ceramic figurine called 'caganer' of Britain's ...
A ceramic figurine called 'caganer' of Britain's Queen Elizabeth, is seen on show at the Santa Llucia Fair on December 21, in Barcelona. Statuettes of well-known people defecating are a strong Christmas tradition in Catalonia, dating back to the 18th century. Catalonians hide caganers in Christmas Nativity scenes and invite friends to find them.

Allergies..........

It's been a bad year for sinus and allergies.  I've had several bouts with this stuff and had to go get some allergy relief
 from the doctor.  I have gotten to where the over the counter stuff, is doing less for me.  So, I now am requiring a doctor's prescription to ease the pressure.  This last year has been the worst that I've had in sometime, and I hope the new year will offer less ragweed, pollen and spores.

$50..........

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there. So I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.."

Her parents beamed.

"Wow...what a worthy goal," I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
A smile - is a sign of joy.
A hug - is a sign of love.
A laugh - is a sign of happiness.


And a friend like me??
Shit...that's just a sign of good  taste!! 


Monday, December 21, 2009

Latin America...........

A rainbow ribbon sits on the desk of delegates at the city's ...
A rainbow ribbon sits on the desk of delegates at the city's assembly in Mexico City December 21, 2009. Mexico City's assembly voted to extend gay couples full marriage rights on Monday in a landmark law that is the first of its kind in Latin America, a traditionally macho and Catholic region. The bill takes a 2006 law allowing civil unions by allowing gay couples to access family social security benefits and apply for joint credits as if they were a straight couple.

Knee Pain........

I've gotten a twisted knee, during a sports event that I was participating in.  But sometimes all you have to do is step the wrong way and the pain hits.  I've seen many people who had to have total knee replacement.  It's not a good feeling and very hard to walk around with.  There's a way to get knee pain treatment if you are in need of such help.  I consider a good doctor's recommendation when deciding on the best center or clinic to use.  Try looking at all the different options, before making your decision.

It Never Ends..........

Anthony Marshall, left, the 85-year-old son of philanthropist ...
Anthony Marshall, left, the 85-year-old son of philanthropist Brooke Astor arrives at Manhattan State Supreme Court for his sentencing with his wife Charlene, and his attorney Ken Warner, Monday Dec. 21, 2009, in New York. Marshall was sentenced Monday to one to three years in prison for exploiting his mother's mental frailty to plunder her millions. 
What is the hell was he going to do?  It would have been his if she hadn't donated it away.  I don't believe that he could use it all, but still isn't he her heir?  

Friday, December 18, 2009

Little Johnny

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today..."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"  Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"  Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"  Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

Ladies....We're Sunk....

Gay rights activists protest behind an ad hoc coalition of concerned ...
Gay rights activists protest behind an ad hoc coalition of concerned ministers from various denominations holding a rally to "boldly preach Biblical truth concerning the subject of homosexuality" in in Washington, DC, in November. The US capital took a first step towards joining a handful of states that recognize gay marriage as the city council voted to legalize gay marriage.
Well, I guess we're out of luck, because there aren't too many men out there who, still love ladies, women, girls.........we the feminine!  Oh, and I guess the guys that still like ladies, will have to look a lot harder, too. 

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Night Befo Crizzmus

Wus da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood,
everybody be sleepin' and da sleepin' be good.
We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck,
dat dear Ol' Obama's, gunna brang us our checks.

All of da family, was ly'in on the flow,
my sister wif her gurlfriend, and my brother wif some hoe.
Ashtrays was all full , empty beer cans and all
when I heared such a fuss, I thunk...."Sh'eet, it must be da law".

I pulled the sheet off da windoe and what I'ze could see,
I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me.
But what did I see, made me say, "Laaawd look at dat".
dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by 8 big-ass rats.

Now over all of da years, Santy Claws he be white,
but it looks like us brotha's, got a black un' tonight.
Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came,
and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.

On Biden, On Jessie,  On Polosi and Hillary Who
On Fannie, On Freddi, On Ayers, and Slick Willy too.
Obama landed dat melon, right there in da street,
I knowed it fo' sho', - can you believe that Sh'eet!.

Dat Santy didn't need no chimney, he picked da lock on my doe,
an I sez to myself, "Son o' bitch...he don did dis befoe"!
He had a big bag, full of presents - at first I suspeck?
Wif "Air Jordans" and fake gold, to wear roun my neck.

But he left me no presents, just started stealin my shit.
He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit.
Den, wif my crap in his bag, out da windoe he flew,
I sho' woulda shanked him, be he snagged my knife too.

He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch,
and waz gone in two seconds, "democrat son of a bitch".
So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git,
'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a shit !!!!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Roars No More........

Well, it seems that Tiger just couldn't handle the pressure anymore.  Leaving the PGA Tour, may not be the best for his financial benefits, but it will give him time to regroup from the pressure this trauma has caused his life.  It's good that his father wasn't around to see this.  Tiger, had so much respect and to loose it in this manner is just not good for him as an pro-golfer.  Living in a world where your life is under the constant eye of the news media, is tremendous pressure alone.  I don't feel he should have handled things in this way, but maybe he figured the gals would keep their mouths shut.......

Tiger & Santa

Political Cartoon by Steve Kelley

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Something to Ponder



Fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says

W T F

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Houston Has Gay Mayor.......

Houston Mayor-elect Annise Parker, center,  celebrates with ...
 Houston Mayor-elect Annise Parker, center, celebrates with her partner Kathy Hubbard, left, Parker's runoff election victory at a campaign party Saturday, Dec. 12, 2009 in Houston. Parker defeated former city attorney Gene Locke making Houston the largest U.S. city to elect an openly gay mayor.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Obama Spending........

Gary Kreep of the United States Justice Foundation has released the results of their investigation of Obama's campaign spending. This study estimates that Obama has spent upwards of $950,000 in campaign funds in the past year with eleven law firms in 12 states for legal resources to block disclosure of any of his personal records. Mr. Kreep indicated that the investigation is still ongoing but that the final report will be provided to the U.S. Attorney General, Eric Holder. Mr. Holder has refused to comment on the
 matter.

Night Before Christmas...........

Truly a Maxine version!!!

Maxine Christmas Pictures, Images and Photos

Maxine's Version of a Twas the Night Before
Christmas



'Twas the night before Christmas'
 And all through the house...
 Not a creature was stirring
 Since the cat ate the mouse.

 My support hose were hung
By the chimney with care.
(I hung them last Christmas
 And just left them there.)

 My dog, Floyd, was nestled
 All snug in his bed,
 After watching the cat rip
 The presents to shreds.

 And I in my long johns
 And ratty night cap
 Had just settled my butt
 For a long winter's nap.

 When out on the lawn
 There arose such a clatter,
 I swore at the window,
 "What the (blank) is the matter?"

 I tore open the window,
 Not a second to tarry,
 All ready to throw
 The noisemaker a berry.

 A bright moon was lighting
 The new-fallen snow...
 And I had a moon of my own
 Set to show.

 Floyd was beside me,
 Paw pointing the way
Toward eight tiny reindeer
 Hitched up to a sleigh...

 And a little old driver
 So cheery and quick,
 I thought for a moment
 That I would be sick.

 Like a bat out of...you know,
 His reindeer they came,
 And I whistled and shouted
 And called them some names--

"Hey, Hornhead! Hey, Furface!
 Hey, Weiner and
Turkey!
 Yo, Klutzy and Mangy
 And Venison Jerky!

 Stay off of my porch!
 Get away from my wall!
 Now hit the road, hit the road,
 Hit the road, all!

 But as pedestrians before
 My old Buick , they fly
 And head for high ground
 With great fear in their eyes,

 So up to my rooftop
 The fleabags they flew,
 With a sleigh full of toys
 And old Fruitcake - Breath too.

 And then, in a twinkling,
 I heard on the roof
 Holes in my new shingles
 Made by each tiny hoof.

 As I reached for my slingshot
 And a marble as well,
 Down the chimney
 St. Nicholas Tumbled and fell.

 He had a huge sack of
 Cheap junk on his back
 And I whispered to Floyd,
 "Be prepared to attack."

 His eyes they were squinting,
 His toy bag was draggin',
 And I felt for a moment
 Like I'd soon be gaggin'.

 He was dressed all in red.
 With a bell on his hat.
 And a belt of black leather
 To hold back the fat.

 A billowing pipe
 He clenched tight in his smile,
 And the smell was like something
 Had been dead for awhile.

 He had a broad face
 And a little round belly
 That shook when I nailed him
 With a handful of jelly.

 He was chubby and plump,
 Well, actually porky,
 And I laughed when I tripped him
 (He looked pretty dorky).

 He was like a beached whale
 Unable to budge.
 And he tasted good , too,
 If the dog was a judge.

 I spoke not a word
 But went straight to my work--
 A noogie, a wedgie,
 A cry of "You jerk!"

 Until laying a finger
 Aside of his nose,
 With a loud cry of "Uncle!"
 Up the chimney he rose.

 He sprang to the sleigh
 And dragged in the toys,
 Then he cried to the reindeer,
 "Get me out of here, Boys!"

 And I had to exclaim
 As a slushball I tossed,
 "Happy Christmas to all,
 And to all a Get Lost!"

 But then, as I turned,
 I saw 'neath the tree
 Two gaily wrapped presents--
 One for Floyd, one for me.

 A big bag of jerky
 Turned Floyd mighty chipper,
 While for me was a pair
 Of brand-new bunny slippers.

 I looked out the window,
 And hovering there,
 Old Santa was winking
 From his sleigh in midair...

 "Merry Christmas, Maxine!"
 He cried, full of cheer,
 "Same to you, Pal!"
 I answered, ("I'll get you next year!")

 THE END

 

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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A Bracelet........

White simulated diamond butterfly bracelet Pictures, Images and Photos  A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one
would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's.

He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Blushing & uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks,
'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam. if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

I Got A Problem.......

It looks like this blog is being given some grief, and for the life of me I can't figure out why? It's just a blog with funny, humorous jokes and a little on the political side. It's not something can is going to cause any real problems, unless someone is looking for a problem. Then they can cause a problem without this blog. I sure hope that this blog doesn't come under some problem, because it's a fun way to get people to laugh and sometimes think.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Winter Vacation.........

I've often envied the rich and famous people, who are able to take off to a warm climate, when the winter arrives. I've never been able to afford a trip to Hawaii, and really would hope to do that one day soon. The say the island of Oahu, is the prettiest one and many prefer it over the main island. The waikiki hotels are ready to book your visit, and make your stay a relaxed and enjoyable one. It's your vacation, so make it a great time for everyone.

No Show's........

Hey girls, how is it that we get all worked up over a guy, when we first meet them? I am older so, you know if I get a chance to meet a nice looking man, I'm trying to make the most of it. The problem, is when I think everything's flowing smoothly, suddenly everything falls apart. I know you have heard the old cliche "Give me your number, I'll call you, later". Well, I've run into that even more, now that I'm not a "young" lady, anymore.
Recently, I met this damned nice looking man, and he started up the conversation. I wasn't even expecting to meet someone at the location, I was at. When I finally realized that he was trying to flirt with me, I allowed the situation to play itself out. It moved a lot faster than I was anticipating, and before I know it, he had my phone # and I was on my way. Hell, he wanted to come over later, even. I chickened out, and went home, unplugged my phone, and went to bed. I thought sure, he would call me the next day to gripe me out. Not so!
I went back to the same place, and there he was.............now is when he started the questions......and I came up with a lie, about a "telemarketer" bothering me that day and forgetting that I unplugged the phone. Well, he went for it and before long was right back over there, giving me the same flirting treatment. So, when I was ready to leave, he told me he would call me the next morning, because he didn't know how late he would be working there that night. Paybacks are hell..............ha, ha........he got me! :)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Obese.........

When over eating becomes a health problem, then it's time to make a change. Your doctor can suggest several different ways to combat the problem. They can tell you whether you are able to use the best fat burners available over the counter. You may want to read the reviews on some of the products. A second opinion, never hurts and can help you decide. Buying online has become an easier and less expensive way to obtain medicines and other products.
Acne Pictures, Images and Photos

I can remember these days, when I was in highschool. It was horrible to have this facial problem, and even worse to have it around highschool idiots. They can make life miserable for people with skin like this.....I was one of the one's who went through it.......I know!

Ugly.......

It's not secret that people with bad acne aren't as acceptable in society as people who have nice clear skin. The best way to eliminate this situation, is to get treatments for the problem. Some of the best acne treatments can be found online, by consulting one of the skin clinic website's. It's always best to shop around for these types of service's because you want to find the quality and a reasonable price.
The Wicked Witch is Not Dead!There's this place called Neptune Society that's trying to get me to enter a contest for a PRE-PAID CREMATION. Then there's this other place, close to my home that's offering me pre-paid funeral arrangements, along with a lot to bury me in, a headstone and perpetual care. The motto: Simple, Economical and Dignified........yeah, right. Ok.......now what's the deal.........HELL..........I HAVE TO DIE! I'm not ready and they can kiss my grits..........that's how I feel about their deals! Where does the Dignified come in?

Leave me alone........

Good........bye.......Get......Lost........

WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!


HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs..

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Circuit City.........

I guess you'll be looking for that electronic item that the teenagers, in your home are wanting for Christmas? So, where is the best place to look for it? Internet online shopping has increased and become a household way of shopping. You can find anything like electronics from circuit city to TV stands, and it will all be there. Buy.com, is a good place to shop for all your Christmas needs.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Walking Condom..........

A man dressed as a condom hands out promotional material with ...
A man dressed as a condom hands out promotional material with information on AIDS prevention in commemoration of World AIDS day in Lima, Tuesday, Dec. 1, 2009. Can you imagine, a condom walking up to you...........in public?
Ana Henriquez, right, gives information on AIDS prevention in ...
Woman gives information on AIDS prevention in commemoration of World AIDS day in San Salvador.
Artists perform during a World AIDS Day event in the centre ...
Artists perform during a World AIDS Day event in the centre of La Paz December 1, 2009.

Sugardaddies Pictures, Images and Photos
It would be nice to have someone, pay my bills..........and make me happy........
humor Pictures, Images and Photos
What A Fart..............

Changing........

They say, that if you don't like the way things are, just way a day or so and things will change. What if I liked the way things were, and wasn't interested in any change? Actually, most of the situation was comfortable, which could have taken on extra traffic. Mostly, the writing posts on my blogs, was satisfying, and now things won't be the same. I can make it, I'm sure but this new technology, has once again, thrown this old woman a loop.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Rare Silver Coins

I notice that there are people to who deal in rare coins. It's always amazing to find certain coins that have been held in a stockpile somewhere, only to be found later. I was surprised to see how expensive a certain rare silver coin was listed for. You are able to obtain a good quality of such coins for a good market price, through this company.
If you deal in silver bars then you should have a good supply on hand should this type of recession happen. Silver today, is in short supply and very hard to find. You can buy these metals from Monex and have them delivered to your bank or institution according to your specifications.
Down through the years the best way I’ve found to have assets available, was to buy expensive jewelry or invest in coins or ingots. I checked out a site that has been in business for quite awhile now. They deal in precious metals and have a good supply on hand. It’s got a scrolling marquee, with the precious metals and their price’s listed. If you need assistance with your shopping at Monex, just call , there are personal advisors ready to assist you.

Tiger In A Mess......

The world of golf has found a flaw, with the new investigation into the "Tiger Woods", wreck. I'm wondering why he felt the need to wait, rather than come forward immediately and give the facts about how it happened. The circumstances surrounding the wreck of his SUV, is questionable and the fact that he chose not to make the details available when it happened, is rather odd. I see that he made sure to make his way to a local hospital for treatment, immediately. He never put off taking care of that, now did he?

Friday, November 27, 2009

Maxine Politics Pictures, Images and Photos

Jesus........

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Parrot Pictures, Images and Photos

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'Mean-Looking Rottweiler Dog Pictures, Images and Photos



BluRay.......

Black Friday is here and the whole weekend you can get great electronic deals at "The Source" online shopping store. Check out their prices on the bluray and DVD players, also come back and look for the deals they have for "blue monday". They won't last long so, get online and buy them before someone else does, you'll get a huge savings for all your shopping needs.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Maxine's Perfect Solution to Senior Health Care
Maxine's Senior Healthcare Pictures, Images and Photos
Here is the solution:
While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with my sister-in-law the other day, I think we have found the solution. I am sure you have heard the ideas that if you're a senior you need to suck it up and give up the idea that you need any health care. A new hip? Unheard of. We simply can't afford to take care of you anymore. You don't need any medications for your high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, etc. Let's take care of the young people. After all, they will be ruling the world very soon.
So here is the solution. When you turn 70, you get a gun and 3 bullets You are allowed to shoot one senator and 2 representatives. Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need! New teeth, great! Need glasses, no problem! New hip, knee, kidney, lung, heart? Well bring it on. And who will be paying for all of this. The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. And, since you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income tax.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

GAA...ROOOSSS

A butcher prepares to slaughter a buffalo with his knife during ...
A butcher prepares to slaughter a buffalo with his knife during a mass sacrifice ceremony at Gadhimai temple in Bariyapur, about 43 miles south of Katmandu, Nepal, Tuesday, Nov. 24, 2009. Hundreds of thousands of Hindus gathered at a temple in southern Nepal on Tuesday for a ceremony involving the slaughter of more than 200,000 animals, a festival that has drawn the ire of animal-welfare protesters.
I wonder if these poor animals will be cleaned and used for food, during the ceremony?

Stupid Call Center Customers.........

Customer: Hi, this is Celine .. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
my desk... sorry...

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and....
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates
.

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.
============== =

Monday, November 23, 2009

Senior Moment.........

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......

The $2.99 Special


We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. Bacon and Eggs Pictures, Images and Photos

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'


'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.


'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.


'YES!!' stated the waitress.


'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.


'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.


'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!


Send this to the Seniors in your life. I'm sure they'll appreciate it!!

Even non-seniors will appreciate it!!!!!


Blonde Joke.....

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked. "Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two
coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.
"And by the way, "the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."



Thursday, November 19, 2009

Boys.....

GOTTA LOVE LITTLE BOYS
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and preceded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' Eight,' the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'

Christmas Season Begins..........

2009's First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Tobacco Industry Hit Again.....

Nearly overnight, roll-your-own brands like Criss Cross and Farmers Gold came off the shelves, replaced by pipe tobacco with the same names. The cuts may be slightly different, but they're suitable for rolling. Knowing this, retailers steer customers to the new products, sometimes with a wink and a nod, sometimes with outright advertising.
Tobacco companies say they're just trying to find a legal way to stay afloat after being saddled with an enormous tax increase. But both the Obama administration and some in Congress say they'll try to come up with a distinction between the tobacco types, closing a loophole that could cost taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars year.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

28th Amendment...........

Time for a 28th Amendment

When the people fear their government there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty. Thomas Jefferson

Amendment 28

Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United
States that does not apply equally to the Senators or Representatives,
and Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators or
Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the
United States .





Let's get this passed around, folks - these people have brought this upon themselves!!!

Today's World........

How the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while

slicing
salami at work,
he
blames the restaurant.


If you smoke three packs a day

For
40 years and die of lung cancer,
your
family blames the
tobacco
company..


If your neighbour crashes

into
a tree while driving home drunk,
h
e blames the bartender.


If your grandchildren are

Brats
without manners,
y
ou blame television.


If your friend is shot by a

deranged madman,
y
ou blame the gun manufacturer.



And if a crazed person breaks

into
the cockpit and
tries
to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
and
the passengers
kill
him instead,
the
mother of the crazed deceased
blames
the airline.


I must have lived too long to

understand
the world
as
it is anymore.

So, if I die while my
OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to

blame
Bill Gates.


Monday, November 16, 2009

Making Pumpkin Pie........

pic06157


New Videos Each Week......

There will be a new video release in the "I'm A Democrat, I'm A
Republican" series once a week, and the web page module will
automatically update with the latest video. And we are asking you,
our participants to submit the petition yourself ALSO once a week. We
need to speak out and keep speaking out, until Congress finally gets
the message, to stop fooling around and do what should have been done
in the first place, pass economical and efficient Medicare for All.

Protest HR3962

Who Else Wants To Get SERIOUS About Real Health Care Reform??

We need the help of every one of our participants who has a website
(if not please read on because there is an individual action page as
well). We have created a simple and small sized (182x228 pixels) web
page module, perfect for the side bar of your web page, where people
can watch the latest of the "I'm A Democrat, And I'm A Republican"
videos.
If you are on MySpace or Facebook or another site that disallows
javascript, you can copy the alternate code from this page.

http://www.peaceteam.net/mfa.htm

We have already shot six of these incredibly professional looking
videos, making the point (with wit and humor) that NEITHER the
Democrats, NOR the Republicans, are actually interested in real
health care
reform. The Democrats are forcing consideration of only
plans that further empower the medical insurance corporations that
are ripping us off now. The Republican are only interested in
derelict non-regulation, achieving the same end result by default.

By getting more and more people to watch these videos, we will
mobilize people to submit this fax action page, which sends a
strongly worded but even tempered petition (which you can read on the
page), stating in essence that we the people are demanding real
reform and will not be fooled again. And you can add your own
personal comments as well. WATCH the video also on this page.

Medicare For All FREE Fax Action Page:
http://www.peaceteam.net/action/pnum1020.php

Friday, November 13, 2009

Obama Named Country Music Entertainer of the Year

Surprise Selection Shocks Nashville


NASHVILLE (The Borowitz Report) - President Barack Obama stunned the country music world today by picking up its highest honor, Country Music Entertainer of the Year.

Mr. Obama was chosen unanimously, according to the Country Music Association, beating out such favorite as Carrie Underwood and Toby Keith. In Nashville, country music insiders were shocked by Mr. Obama's selection, given that he has only been in office for eight months and during that time has yet to record a single country song.

But Mr. Obama was gracious in receiving the honor, saying that he was "honored and humbled" by the award before excusing himself to accept this year's Heisman Trophy.

Ha.....Ha

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline



Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan


I told them I was suicidal.



They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.



jerks...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Proverbs............?

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.


4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.


23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Officer.........?

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you
could have been as sharp as this policeman. He
was being cross-examined by a defense attorney
during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to
undermine the police officer's credibility...





Q:
'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the
scene?'

A:
'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person
matching the description of the offender,
running several blocks away.'



Q:
'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A:
'The officer who responded to the
scene.'



Q:
'A fellow officer provided the description of
this so-called offender. Do you trust your
fellow officers?'
A:
'Yes, sir. With my life.'



Q:
'With your life? Let me ask you this then
officer. Do you have a room where you change
your clothes in preparation for your daily
duties?'
A:
'Yes sir, we do!'



Q:
'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A:
'Yes sir, I do.'

Q:
'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A:
'Yes sir.'



Q:
'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your
fellow officers with your life, you find it
necessary to lock your locker in a room you
share with these same officers?'

A:
'You see, sir -- we share the building with the
court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been
known to walk through that room.'



The
courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a
prompt recess was called. The officer on the
stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best
Comeback' line -- and we think he'll
win.

Drinking with a Texas Girl

Texas Hat Flag Pictures, Images and Photos

A Mexican, an Arab, and a Texas girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The Texas girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In Texas , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
West Texas Cowgirl Pictures, Images and Photos

God Bless TEXAS

Cute.....

Nominated as the world's best short joke of the year 2008.
A 3 year old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

Can You.....

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a
Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries
with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “In.”

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten
Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ” For Smuggling Diamonds”

7. Finish All Your sentences with “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”

8. Don’t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds
All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party
Because You’re Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock
Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won!, I Won!”

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
“Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To
Have To Let One Of You Go.”

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity…….