Farting in Bed.......

DO YOU FART IN BED?
IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FROM
LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME
KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT
A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.


THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE
HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE
THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY
FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, gENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC
WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL
TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM
AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATHROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS
FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.

An he said, all THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'. 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.

'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.' BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'

Reindeer..........

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known…...

ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dNeero

Another Battle.........

Israel beefed up security throughout Jerusalem and the West Bank on Friday, bracing for new violence after the evacuation of a disputed West Bank building set off a rampage by Jewish settlers.
Police said they had placed a larger-than-usual deployment of 500 officers in and around the West Bank city of Hebron, the center of Thursday's unrest, and taken up positions elsewhere in the West Bank.

Police and soldiers also were on heightened alert throughout the West Bank, defense officials said.

The moves followed Israel's eviction Thursday of dozens of extremist Jewish settlers from a Hebron house claimed by both Jews and Palestinians. The settlers had holed up in the four-story building in defiance of a Supreme Court order to get out while ownership is determined.

The eviction set off rampages by settler youths who attacked Israeli policemen and Palestinians and set fire to Palestinian homes and cars. Some 35 Israelis and 17 Palestinians were wounded, including five Palestinians who were shot.

Did He Think......He'd Get Off........

Simpson made a rambling, five-minute plea for leniency, simultaneously apologizing for the holdup as a foolish mistake and trying to justify his actions.

He choked back tears as he told her: "I didn't want to steal anything from anyone. ... I'm sorry, sorry."

O.J. was sentenced Friday to as many as 33 years in prison for a hotel armed robbery after a judge rejected his apology and said, "It was much more than stupidity." The 61-year-old football Hall of Famer stood shackled and stone-faced as Judge Jackie Glass rattled off the punishment.

Get Out Of Debt

I don’t like bankruptcy, and I’m sure neither do you. Many people have resorted to this type of thing in order to hold on to some of their properties and not have to pay certain debts.
Getting into debt is much easier than getting out and causes people to go through horrific circumstance. This causes them to have other problems with their credit lines from the time of the court order until the legal terms run out.They are generally in trouble, perhaps missing minimum payments on credit cards, which can cause late charges to mount up. To get out of debt you can consolidate your debts and make payments to one institution, which is then distributed to the other clients, you are in debt to. It’s better to set up a consolidation of your debts and get them paid as best you can. This company is here to help you in the only way they can. Contact them today and get a quote for you problems with your finances.

One Of The Lucky One's

This man, hugs his wife Carol , who was in India at one of the hotels during the Mumbai attacks, as they were reunited when she returned home to Houston . The two friends she traveled with were both killed as they made a trip to represent the Synchronicity Foundation. Carol was on the first floor of the hotel using a computer when the attackers entered on the second floor, where her friends were eating.

Prices Exposed

Have you checked out the website for prices exposed? The have reviews for each type of diet pills that you can get online. They also offer a decent price for you to purchase these pills. I'd rather shop around as many people do. This website gives you the little extra, when it comes to buying diet pills and offer you their discounts as well. Prices Exposed, can get you going with the cheaper diet plans, once you sign up.

Some SOB Probably Hocked It..........

I know you might say that loosing a watch might be a trivial thing, but not this one........it was the gold nugget watch that my spouse gave me in September for our anniversary.......now it's gone, and I feel really bad about it...........I lost it yesterday, when I was celebrating my birthday, and I drank one too many beers. I didn't feel it come loose, and I've looked everywhere I may have been, and called the local bar we went to........I know that if anyone found it, they kept it or went straight to a pawn shop and pawned it............they could get some good money for it..........I'll really miss my watch.........I knew that the clasp was coming open too easy and we were supposed to get it fixed but never got around to it..........now...........it's gone.

Plantar Fasciitis

An inflammatory condition that causes intense heel pain is called Plantar Fasciitis . The main cause is overstretching the plantar fascia ligament, the muscle that stretches from the heel to the ball of the foot and also supports the foot's arch. This condition can be present with or without an actual bony heel spur. Calcium deposits may eventually form on the heel bone, resulting in mild to serious heel pain when applying pressure on the foot. For more information on this condition and the treatment, check out FootSmart.com .

We Are Loosing Our Jobs....

The unemployment rate would have moved even higher if not for the exodus of 422,000 people from the work force. Economists thought many of those people probably abandoned their job searches out of sheer frustration. In November 2007, the jobless rate was at 4.7 percent.

The U.S. tipped into recession last December, a panel of experts declared earlier this week, confirming what many Americans already thought.

Steel companies in China have recorded their first month-on-month loss in 6 years as the global financial crisis hit domestic exporters, manufacturers and construction firms. 71 large and medium-sized steel companies posted a combined loss of 5.84 billion yuan (853 million dollars) in October, the first monthly loss since 2002, the China Securities Journal reported, citing an industry association.

Alli For Weight Loss

Alli inhibits lipase which prevents the fat breakdown, thereby decreasing absorption of fat within your body. The allie diet pill moves undigested fat through the digestive system and is eliminated through bowel movements. Most people need to continue taking the medications indefinitely with the recommended diet plan. Alli contains an effective inhibitor of lipase, an enzyme necessary for the breakdown and absorption of fat. Go to the website for more information.

Obama Speaks.........

President-elect Barack Obama speaks at a news conference in Chicago, Wednesday. Democrats are growing impatient with President-elect Barack Obama's refusal to inject himself in the major economic crises confronting the country. Obama has sidestepped some policy questions by saying there is only one president at a time. But the dodge is wearing thin. "He's going to have to be more assertive than he's been," House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank, D-Mass., told consumer advocates Thursday.

Paella Pans

It’s been the thing in other countries, to use paella pans to cook their famous dishes. These pans are made from carbon steel, is the ideal metal for cooking the perfect paella. This type of pan has been used in Spain for decades. The red handles are produced from steel and painted with heat resistance paint, which is a Spanish trademark. The large cooking surface allows the rice to cook evenly and to maximize flavor. The carbon steel pan also helps in developing the socarrat, caramelized rice that sticks to the bottom of the pan. They require seasoning and a well seasoned pan will develop a good nonstick coating to protect it from rusting. These pans can be used over grill or gas. But you should hand was only.

World AIDS Day

Today, bloggers from around the world will unite for World AIDS Day 2008. Through out the world an estimated 33 million people are living with HIV/AIDS. It's estimated one million are living with HIV, in the United States alone. The National Institute on Drug Abuse and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of HIV/AIDS Policy’s AIDS.gov have together shared HIV/AIDS information with the blogging community.

Please join us in recognition of World AIDS Day 2008. Bloggers Unite because we value and recognize the power of a voice. Multiply that voice by the thousands and make a difference. HIV/AIDS affects too many people to ignore. Be a part of a growing community that lifts their voices. Together, we can reduce this pandemic through our words, voices and actions.