Oh My

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.

What happened ?   You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."  
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."  
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but

I'm fine now."  
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook ?  What happened to

your hand?"  
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a

sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really." 
 
"What about that eye patch?"  
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over.

I looked up, and one of them sh*t in my eye." 
 
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird sh*t." 
 
"It was my first day with the hook."