| Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security | |
| Terrorist Discovered | 0 |
| Transvestites | 133 |
| Hernia | 1,485 |
| Hemorrhoid Cases | 3,172 |
| Enlarged Prostates | 8,249 |
| Breast Implants | 59,350 |
| Natural Blondes | 3 |
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